Let's start with schedules. Before we actually had little James Benjamin, I was all committed to the schedules. I read and re-read Babywise, got James on the BW bandwagon, mixed in a little Secrets of the Baby Whisper (E.A.S.Y schedules, alright!), and totally bought in to the benefits of driving towards healthy, solid routines from the very beginning^. Once JB arrived, I was thrilled when he seemed to fall right into a 3 hour schedule so brilliantly. I carted around my Itzbeen timer, took great pleasure in jotting down times and calculating averages, and patted myself on the back for such great parent-directed feeding. JB gained about 2 ounces a day for the first 6 weeks, so I felt we were doing something right.
Then JB decided that eating was for the birds - reflux made it no fun for him! We had days (and then weeks) when I could barely get the child to take a feeding. I no longer cared about when he was eating - I just wanted him to eat! If that meant offering him up a snack each and every time he seemed hungry, I was okay with that. I celebrated when I could get him to nurse for even 5 minutes, even if that was 20 times a day.
Fast forward to present, where we're managing the reflux and milk intolerance and have a happy little eater again. However, my hungry hippo now thinks that he should eat at least every 2 hours. He's also back to eating a couple of times in the middle of the night. I can no longer blame growth spurts - it's been long enough now that it's his new routine!
This is where I start to get crazy. Part of me (well, plus James, my better half) wants to say "hey, at least he's doing better!" Even if it's a newborn-ish schedule and a constant feeding/napping cycle (we'll get to sleeping in a sec), he seems to be consistent. Win, right? Then I analyze his days, go back to my books and the blogs, read about how he should be transitioning up to a 4 hour schedule (not back to a 2 hour), and I get all crazy again.
Part of the problem is his sleeping, my other obsession right now. Homeslice has transitioned to a habitual cat napper, rarely able to sleep more than 30 or 45 minutes. If you google this it's pretty common, although most sites talk about how to work through it (convincing me it's something we need to correct.) But we can't, no matter what we try!! The nanny is quite proud that she can sometimes keep him sleeping for a few hours in his vibrating bouncy while she pats him continually during the nap. Obviously not a habit I think we can realistically continue (although that type of nap environment sounds pretty heavenly, doesn't it?)
So these cat naps lead him to a very short eat/wake/sleep cycle, and mean he wakes up grumpy, tired, but hungry and wanting to eat. The occasional three hour marathon naps also throw us for a loop. It is hard to anticipate meal times (important for me as his food source) and bed times, as his schedule fluctuates every day based on if we can get him to actually sleep. Lastly, I think it may impact the fact he doesn't sleep that well at night, no matter what we try.
Which leads me to the third S: swaddling. We've always swaddled from the beginning, as it definitely calmed JB and helped him rest. As we near 4 months, a few things have happened: 1) he outgrew all his swaddle sacks and blankets; 2) he's starting to roll onto his side at night, and I think it's a matter of time before he winds up on his belly; 3) he has found his hands and realizes sucking his thumb is quite comforting; and 4) I no longer think swaddling helps extend his sleep time. For all these reasons, and the fact that we're already in a total sleep regression anyway, we kicked the swaddle habit this week. Actually, this has been so much less traumatic than I had feared. It didn't seem to impact his
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| Finally! I got this thumb sucking down! |
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^ I still really believe these books represent an ideal state, which is why I keep going back to them (even if it makes me a crazy person). My problems have not been in the actual theory, but in the more difficult implementation. I know everyone has their thoughts on these book and the approach, but, honestly, I still like it and wish it would/will work for us!
* Meant to be a rhetorical question, although I'm pretty sure the correct answer is "because you're a lunatic Type A first time parent, that's why". :)
Don't babies know it would be much easier for us to fully enjoy them and their cuteness if they would just pop out of the womb knowing how to perfectly sleep and eat?! We get a lot of cat naps over here, too... although she will go pretty long in her carseat, swing, or Ergo - all habits we don't really want to enable, of course!! Sometimes I feel myself getting crazy about this stuff and this is even my second time around, so don't be too hard on yourself about being hard on yourself :)
ReplyDeleteI feel you! Although Seth doesn't have full blown reflux, the upset tummy and spitting up still affects him. I fully support Babywise though! It's just that with reflux babies or sick babies they will not function exactly like the book. Try to stretch him to 2.5 hours. Eventually those night time feedings will drop. And make every feeding as full a feeding as possible. That way he can stretch longer between meals. Also babies with reflux tend to sleep better in their bellies. If you feel comfortable with his head control, put him on his belly for naps. Hopefully that will squash the 45 minute intruder.
ReplyDeletePUT the books down!!! Every child is different. Just cause it worked for the ones in the book doesn't mean it will work for JB. I cried so many nights cause of the books. Made me feel like a bad Mom. It just didn't work for Reagan. It is ok if he eats every two hours. At his age that is ok! R was the queen of cat naps, and at 10.5 months still is at day care. It took till 9 months to get her to take long naps at home. Hang in there Mom!!
ReplyDeleteAlso try a Halo Swaddle Sleep Sack. You can swaddle arms out but they still get the tightness on the chest. It helped Reagan when we had to swaddle wean. Then we slowly loosen the swaddle part and moved to a sleep sack. She naps and sleeps at night in the sleep sack. It is a major sleep cue for her.
Do try tummy for naps, while someone is sitting in the room observing the first couple times to make sure he can efficiently move his head from side to side. It made a big difference for how long Ella would nap/sleep. Hang in there friend! I know you may not think so, but you are doing everything right!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I totally know how you feel. I wish I had one of those kids who sleeps all night. Some night are good, some nights are bad...really bad. I also think the books can make us feel like bad parents when our kid doesn't sleep all night. That said, you can start using some of the techniques as he gets older. You don't have to give up on the schedule.
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